Skyrim: Lovin' and Leavin'

I'm well into my 153 hour of Skyrim, and am finding, like a child teetering on the precipice of adulthood, that things aren't as rosy in the world as I'd imagined.
The carefree days of whimsical bardic singing, idle wildflower picking and cozy home decorating are slipping away, and my Wood Elf's golden eyes have become a jaundiced, jaded yellow. The yellow of concern. The yellow of disappointment.
The yellow of depression.


I think it started in Riften. These things always start in Riften.

My Wood Elf had seen a darkness that she'd never experienced in her green and native land of Valenwood.

The stain of Riften is a hard one to wash away and so, to forget, she threw herself into a myriad of quests, hoping that with each fetch she would be sent farther afield, into dangerous territory. At some point, she realized that she was so dismayed by the world and all its suffering, that she was secretly and desperately hoping for that one quest that would end it all. A quest so suicidally dangerous that she wouldn't have to think about murders in Riften, or public executions in Solitude, or dead children in Morthal.

My Wood Elf, sick at heart, did the one thing that, single, unhappy women always do in these situations; She got a puppy.

She got a dog and disgusted all her friends with nauseating baby talk and endless pics of the creature on Facebook.

AWWWWWWWW!!!!! Look at that widdle guyyyy! Look at him!! Is you a good boy? YES you IS a good boy! Look at you! Look at you! Are you my schnookums? Are you? YES YOU ARE!

I will call you Charlie! Yes! And you will stay with me forever! You're such a good boy, Charlie!

Charlie! WALKIES! Come on! Let's go on a flower picking ADVENTURE!
YAY FOR CHARLIE! MUMMY LOVES CHARLIE!!!!!

Happiness, when found, is fleeting in Skyrim.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

To be honest, Charlie had been pushing his luck the entire time he'd been around (which amounted to approximately 25 minutes). If Charlie hadn't been killed by that bandit, I was going to have to resort to putting him in more drastic and life-threatening situations.
Sorry Wood Elf, the mutt had to go.

The mechanics and AI of the dogs aren't the best, to my mind.

Rather than finding them good companionship, I was constantly bothered by the noisy creature barking, chuffing and whining everywhere we went. When I was viewing rich vistas atop deliriously high cliffs, not only would Charlie not STFU, but in his attempts to be 'near' me, he kept bumping me and my horse nearly off the mountain!!!
Most frustrating (and scary).


My Wood Elf, however, was traumatized by Charlie's bloody demise, and took some time to get over the loss.  "RIP Charlie my little puddin' pop."
I insisted that the funeral involve nudging HIM off a cliff.

But in her quest to end the unhappiness she felt inside, my Wood Elf moved on.
And know what else perks up the female of the species when they're feeling low? A WEDDING!
Oh golly!!!

It wasn't too long after that my Wood Elf decided that a man about the house would put everything in perspective. She already had a beau in mind - a reasonably attractive Nord who had flattered her on many occasions (thank Mara!), and who seemed responsible and strong. Wilhelm, having his own inn in Iverstead, seemed a quiet, yet encouraging figure who could inspire a weary Wood Elf to stop staring into the maws of great beasts and yearning for the release of oblivion. (Not that Oblivion.)

Not exactly a fancy lady, my Wood Elf nevertheless became excited as the 'special day' grew near, and actually went out of her way to purchase some fine garments and hair accessories for the occasion. She annoyed all her friends with unceasing wedding-related chatter:

"No, I haven't met his parents. They're labouring in the corundum ore mines in The Rift, and can't get away. They literally can't get away. They're chained there."

"I've got a dress, but it's yellow - do you think I'll look sallow? I already look sallow? YOU BITCH that's my normal skin colour!"

"NO I WILL NOT slay that vampire and save the village children on Turdas. I've got a prior engagement that day."

Finally the big day arrived, and my Wood Elf made her way at the appointed hour to the appointed temple, to join the love of her life in a sacred and solemn vow of matrimony - whereupon all her hopes and dreams of a bright and shining future were forever dashed.

First tragedy: The over-eager Priest of Mara started the ceremony before she was even at the altar, so her 'walking down the aisle' fantasy was thrown out the window immediately.  Next, apparently Wilhelm didn't love her enough to bother even changing out of his filthy tavern attire to get married! And check out the look on his face!

Oh I'M SORRY!! Is this whole marriage thing an INCONVENIENCE TO YOU? 

  

PS: SHAVE you dirty hipster!

And as soon as the words "I do" were out of my Wood Elf's mouth, Wilhelm burst out of the temple and fled to Deities-know-where without a single word.

...

The TWO guests trickled out, embarrassed and awkward, without saying anything to the new bride.
What the hell had just happened?


In the hopes that perhaps Wilhelm had been SO excited to get to 'their' home in Whiterun and whip up some homecooked meals, my Wood Elf journeyed there only to find NO Wilhelm and NO homecooked meals, but also faithful Lydia had taken off as well.

And it was right about then she realized her horse was missing, too.  >.<

.......

Men! Ladies, amirite?
This Wood Elf now knows she can rely on only ONE person to survive: THE DOVAHKIIN.